mental health

On securely falling back into the pit

May 11, 2017

Slipping back into a depressive period when you’ve been so stable for a good few years is like receiving a letter to warn you of your fate and then descending into hell with a parachute. 

It’s gentle, expected, and eerie. You know this place, you recognise these feelings, and you’re not so scared and alone as you were before. 

If I wasn’t depressed, I’d be frustrated that I am, once again, depressed. I’d be angry and confused as to why I’ve found myself back being hopeless and helpless after doing so well for so long. But I’m depressed, so I’m not feeling that at all. I’m just looking at those feelings having a strop over the other side of room and thinking, “I can’t be arsed to feel that tbh, it’s too much effort and I just don’t care.”


Bath, England (July 2016)

May 04, 2017

I had the idea of visiting Bath after I went to Bristol and realised it was down the road. If it wasn’t for lack of time, I probably would have nagged Ryan to drive us for the day but now I’m glad we dedicated a whole break to the place, because it’s bloody beautiful. 

We wanted to stay in a B&B for this break, but I didn’t know where to find good B&Bs so, like any normal person, I Googled ‘best B&Bs bath’ and was offered an array. Lord, there are a lot of B&Bs in Bath. Our stipulations were ‘parking’ and ‘near to city centre’ and ‘free WiFi’, obviously, and after much trawling I stumbled upon Pulteney House

Guys, they have pet rabbits. I was SOLD.


London Marathon 2017: The Debrief

April 27, 2017

Hello. I ran a marathon.

Things I have done since running a marathon:

  • Told people I ran a marathon
  • Slept
  • Eaten a lot of takeaways 
  • Eaten a lot of chocolate 
  • Told more people I ran a marathon
  • Sniffed my medal 
  • Stared at my dirty marathon clothes in the corner 
  • Moved to a new flat
Because what else would I want to do the week after running a marathon other than pack up and move? 

Did I mention I ran a marathon?


The Marathon Diaries #6: 2 weeks to go...

April 10, 2017

Beautiful calligraphy note from Ashley!

There is now a fortnight to go until the Virgin London Marathon 2017 and I keep violently switching between four different moods:

  1.  !!!!!!! FUUUUUUUCK !!!!!!!
  2. I am a badass, this is going to be fucking awesome, I’m going to SMASH IT and cannot wait.
  3. I am terrible, why did I think I could do this, I have not trained enough, I am an embarrassment. 
  4. What if I shit myself?
The fear of shitting myself is ever present. And so are my thoughts, which never shut up, so here we are with THIRTEEN days to go.


Berlin, Germany (June 2016)

April 07, 2017

View from Panoramapunkt 

The idea was to go on a weekend break for my boyfriend, Ryan’s, birthday. We wanted a holiday but a week by a beach was too expensive, and going to Bristol for a packed weekend break for my birthday in 2015 ensured the city break bug was well and truly caught. So it seemed the logical step. 

Also it meant I didn't have to think of a present…

Also it meant he didn’t have to organise a night out in London which is way more expensive than it’s worth… 

Also, Brexit, so we suddenly loved Europe that little bit more.

But like we needed excuses. We wanted to travel.