28 May 2011

Body malfunction

My last post was my 100th and I've only just bloody realised. I'm almost as disappointed as when I typed the unforgivable 'your' instead of 'you're' in my well thought out 37,000th tweet. Devastating and I will never forgive myself.

Next week is going to be the mentalist week of my life. I'm in London the whole week at HarperCollins, and other stuff is happening which I won't go into. But basically, there is a high chance that I'll explode. I don't get stressed about stuff, usually. I worry a lot. But I don't stress about exams or having lots to do or being late etc. Well, on the outside I don't. You know I get heart palpitations right? The tests I had for them all came back fine, meaning the reason I get them is because of stress. At first I refused to believe it but now I realise that I do get stressed, but I deny it and tell myself that everything is fine. I do feel physically fine. But inside me I imagine there are lots of little people running around on BlackBerries, dropping paperwork everywhere, arguing with each other and trying to push through crowds. I just don't realise they're there.

The heart palpitations being stress related was pretty much confirmed this week when my heart kept spazzing out, and I formed a bad relationship with it after shouting at it and now we're not talking. I have had little contact with humans these past 2 weeks. My head also joined forces with my heart and I've had a constant headache for 2 weeks. The little people keep banging filing cabinet drawers, putting on extra tubes to deal with everything, and they must all be on their period because they're not all getting along. It's been mayhem. And it all came to blows yesterday when there must have been a massacre in my brain because I had a massive nosebleed. I did look like a serial killer though, with blood all over my hands, so that was fun.

Today? I don't have a headache. I haven't had a nosebleed. My heart's just chilling. But my eye is swollen for no apparent reason. Maybe it's the graveyard for all those little people who died in the massacre yesterday, and it's getting full. My last exam is Psychology, and the topics include Stress and Abnormality. Ironic.

13 May 2011

This time last year...

...was my last day at school. Well, of compulsory schooling. Really I haven't left at all and everything's still relatively the same. But still, it was a last day and I remember it so well. I just read the blog post I wrote on it and still remember everything exactly as I said it. Watching all the Year 11s today doing exactly the same things as we did was SO weird. They all seem too young, but then we must have looked that young. Last year's Year 12s looked so grown up, but I still feel young. I must be that old though. I am that old. Theoretically it was our last day too today. Last day of Year 12 before we have 4 weeks of for AS levels. Then we come back, the Year 13s have left and we start the A2 course. We become Year 13s. But literally, we aren't Year 13s until September when the new school year starts. Our last ever school year. Our last ever 'first day back at school'. We really will have a last day then. Next May. And, although so much has happened so really does feel like a year, if this last year's anything to go by then it will come around very quickly.

I'm watching the first episode of Inside The Human Body. I'm so fascinated by it and any medical show will have  me glued. I really do wish sometimes that I tried harder in science, so I could be a doctor, or nurse, or midwife. I really liked biology, but only the human bits. But then after I've finished watching it I'll stop wishing I could go into medicine, and go back to wanting to be a writer. Which I know is what I want to do, because writing is all I ever think about. I write in my head, imagine every scenario I see as a scene in a book, and am constantly trying to come up with the perfect first novel. Yet to succeed with that.

I'm hoping HarperCollins will help. I'm on my second to last book of theirs now and surprisingly loving it. I read them all in order, starting with the one I thought I'd enjoy the most and leaving the one I thought I wouldn't like until the end. But so far I'm yet to read one I don't like, and like I said, I'm on my second to last so I've really surprised myself.

HarperCollins is my motivation for these exams. My first one is on Tuesday and whereas before I was in a complete mess about the them, now I'm calmer and my head's straight. Er. I need As and Bs if I want to go to Cardiff, which means I have to try really really hard. But I know I can do it if I set my mind to it.

Rock and roll. X

9 May 2011


I shouldn't be blogging. I should be revising. But I'm blogging and I have 20 minutes to finish it before Eastenders so deal with it. Sorry, I don't mean 'deal with it'. That's a bit aggressive. I've been really aggy and twatty lately. Don't really know why. Apologising to everyone now who's been caught in my ARGHGODYOU'REALLSOANNOYINGANDIHATEYOUGOAWAYLEAVEMEALONEwahwahwah ness.

Anyway, yes, revising. This is my last week of Year 12. My AS exams start next week. I'm not prepared in the slightest and after thinking I'd get a solid A for my Media coursework, but finding out today that I didn't, I'm now like "shit." and everything's going EIUFHNCKYHHNBUTYGBUREGBSMASHSMASH in my head. I have a headache. Figures.

I'm srsly losing the plot. I got my swimming costume out for no apparent reason earlier and had a very in depth 20 minutes thinking process about what would happen in dogs ruled the world. Now I'm sprawled on my bedroom floor shouting "POTTER! DY HOT TOE! LET ME IN, MR BOF PET!" which TOTALLY MAKES SENSE TO ME. But then mum peered round my door and helpfully went "Talking to yourself, especially gibberish, is the first sign of madness..."


Maybe I just need a good night's sleep.

Or drugs.

Or ECT. Yeah, have summathat psychology.

I found a snake today. Maybe it poisoned me.

Well this has been a smashing blog post.

                                                     me, right now

1 May 2011

Let Love Rule: Kate ♥ Will 4eva 2k11

"THEY'RE CAMPING ALREADY. WE NEED TO LEAVE EARLIER. I HAVE FOOD." One of the many texts from my mum Thursday morning. Minutely updates about the number of people there, weather, what we were taking, who was going etc filled my inbox pretty quickly and I gave up replying in the end. I had a whole day of school to get through first before I even thought about the wedding, and of course it felt like time was playing with me. That clock definitely said 1:15 last time I checked, not 12.50. And even when school did finish, we still had to go into Brentwood to get a flag (ended up being a teatowel) and.........MY IPHONE 4. But I won't dwell on the AMAZINGNESS that finally getting it was, because obviously the prospect of going up to London overnight was obviously much more exciting. Obviously. Ahem.

But seriously, I was really exciting about going up. I already had a feeling about what it could be like from the Moonwalk last year, but I definitely wasn't prepared for what hit us when we got to Buckingham Palace. We left home at 6:30, 4 hours earlier than we were going to, and the whole journey was surprisingly quiet. The only inkling of Royal Wedding mania was waiting for the tube and spotting these cuties.. 

Even stepping out of St James' Park station was quiet. It wasn't until we turned a corner towards Buckingham Palace that we saw the first preparations. Police vans lining the streets. Everywhere. Army everywhere. Guns everywhere. I felt guilty and had to tell myself that I haven't done anything wrong.

The atmosphere hit us straight away when we reached the Palace and the sea of colour was incredible. We had to fight our way down the to the Mall as the area around the Palace got even more packed by the second, and when we finally grabbed a spot we heard people say it was impossible to get down there now. If it was this bad at 7:30 then what's it going to be like this time tomorrow?

After fighting with a Spanish tw*t who had a go at me for stepping on his rug (mum found this hilarious) we found a better spot opposite Clarence House. Our neighbours were BRILLIANT. A mother and daughter from Staffordshire, a big family from Pontefract and 3 students from South London. We were given a flag straight away by the students "JANICE AND LOUISE YOU'RE FLAGLESS. HAVE A FLAG." and we soon realised that we were a tad unprepared. Everyone had tents, chairs and sleeping bags. We had a blanket. It got VERY cold by 11pm. If it wasn't for the excitement and brilliance of the night I would definitely have died. 
                                               opposite clarence house
MAJOR NEWS AT ABOUT 10PM THOUGH. William and Harry came out to say hello to the crowds. MENTAL. Obviously we were on the other side and surrounded by police, but I saw Harry. Camilla also waved to my mum. Definitely just to her. Def.

No one stopped all night. People singing, dancing, running up and down, taking photos. It was such a sight that we didn't have a chance of sleep. The students ordered pizza for us all and we sat munching while photographers shoved cameras in our faces. It was like being a bloody zoo. Mum went to the loo at, like, 2am, leaving me shivering alone gazing longingly at people in sleeping bags, but being amused by the students in their tent singing Killer Queen. I ate a massive slab of dairy milk, just because I could. And skittles. 
Morning began to show at about 4:30, and tents had to be down by 5am. With the extra room we were now right at the front and the streets were now packed with people who were just arriving. News crews were walking around interviewing us and the posh police with white gloves started to take their place. They even had a little lunch with them, bless. Prawn mayonnaise sandwich, an apple and Walkers crisps. Satisfactory. Could have done with a Jaffa Cake bar. 

rocked this look
I won't lie, between 7am and 10:30am I was bored to tears. Nothing was happening. The odd posh car would go past and a street cleaner but that's as good as it got. And there were so many people at this point that movement was impossible. I could barley wiggle my toes and I got SERIOUS pins and needles. Torture. HOWEVER as I began to use my flag for surrendering purposes and not patriotic, William and Harry came out. FINALLY. Then the rest of the gang soon followed and it was flashy flashy a-go-go trying to snap them. But when it came to Kate, we didn't want to take photos because we realised we were THERE and we could see her with our own eyes. We didn't need to take photos. We're not going to forget it are we? And everyone at home will been seeing her at the same time as us. So we just watched. And when she came past I was literally :O at how stunning she looked. The dress! Want please. She looked so happy and Pippa was PHWOAR and the bridesmaids were AWWW and the Queen was such a cutie in yellow. 

The service was relayed to us and we all joined in with the hymns. Well, I waved my flag in time to the music and asked a lot of questions about what on earth was going on. The archbishop's (it was an archbishop right?) voice worried me a tad. He'd make a smashing action movie voiceover. Everyone cheered when they both said "I will." and belted out the National Anthem at the end. Wooooo. Then panic started to set in with the police as it was open carriage time. The gun police had their serious faces on and the soliders now lined the streets with them. I had great joy in singing the Cha Cha Slide as they moved into position. Hilarious. 

I don't think I'll ever forget the newlyweds going past in the carriages, followed by Harry and Pippa with the kids. SO CUTE. I could barely take it and needed to be pinned down. There was no time for taking it all in though, because as soon as they went past it was a dash for the Palace for the kiss. I say dash, I mean more of a slow shuffle. I say more of a slow shuffle, I mean more of a standstill. It was ridiculous. Crowd control failed as the higher police shouted at the lower police and they let the wrong people in first. To be honest, we did well getting here

but didn't have a view of the balcony at all. It was verging on scary to be honest, as we were getting crushed and the sun came out to heat us up. Little kids began crying in panic (WHY BRING KIDS??? There were BABIES and BUGGIES. WHY???) which was awful to see, but as they were being lifted over barriers by police, some were shouting "Why are they allowed over and we're not?!?" Er, HELLO, little children crying and panicking. Behave. Well we saw the planes and knew when the kisses happened by the cheers, but we saw nada. 

We ended up in St James' Park for lunch, after a battle for freedom and losing mum. The sight was now not as brilliant, but quite horrific. There were no bins anywhere because of bomb threats, so we were LITERALLY (and I can't express how really literally) wading through rubbish up to our ankles. It was AWFUL. I couldn't wait to get out. I felt like a right tramp. But mum being mum insisted on staying for when William and Kate went back to Clarence House, and I admit that seeing them drive slowly in that Aston Martin was so brilliant. We were by the Palace now, by railings, so they were a lot closer to us than before which was a bit surreal. 

The whole day was surreal. We fought our way back to the station and collapsed on a tube reading the Evening Standard, and seeing the bits we didn't see. Looking back on it now, we were mental not bringing sleeping bags and going up overnight. But I would do it all again in a heartbeat. And do you know what the best part of it was? When I got back on twitter and facebook that night, my whole feed was beaming with pride and was so in love with the whole day. A totally different feed to the day before when no one gave a monkeys. My friend actually said to me that she turned it on to see the dress but couldn't tear herself away and watched the whole thing. Now I don't feel so mental. Your turn Harry.