31 Jul 2010


Well, GCSEs, you were well and truly beaten to the ground, and after a prom and two induction days, I WAS FREE TO DO WHATEVER THE EFF I WANTED. And so started July 2010...

2nd - That little thing that occurred called BIG BROTHER, aka, THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. Read here for full OMGOMGOMGness.

4th - The nomtastic third film of the Twilight saga, Eclipse. I don't care if you don't understand the hype of it all. I'm a 16 year old girl, therefore I am allowed to be unconditionally and irrevocably in love with it. Although, for most of the film me and my friend did just take the piss out of the whole film...especially the Cullens' eyebrows...and sexual innuendos. I also got a round of applause from my friends because I booked the tickets (yes really) which lead to the two rows in front also applauding me. Oh aren't they the funny ones.

7th - The first time I was going to London SANS ANYONE. This was the first trip of many up to that big ol' city of mine and it was SUCH a good day. Up to Oxford Street (without getting lost, RESULT), meeting Sali Hughes and being taken for lunch, with added Paul and @BelgianWaffling. I know right, it was WELL grown up innit.

9th - Saw The Stephen K Amos show at the BBC with mum. We do love SKA, but as it was his first show and it was all scripted, it wasn't that funny. The bits inbetween takes were HILARIOUS, but I think we'll stick to seeing his stand-up.

10th - Gossip and LOLs night round Nadia's. I love her.

12th - This day was AMAZEBALLS. The plan was to see the lunchtime recording of The 5 O'Clock Show, but that failed, so instead I went to a magazine office, an ACTUAL MAGAZINE OFFICE. You know, with people working on the next issue and everything, nommed on raspberries for a bit while tweeting, before going back to The 5 O'Clock show and seeing John Barrowman! JTRGMXRNMGKXCETG it was amazing. And it rained and blew a feisty gale, causing me to gain a moustache. 

13th - Back on the train, seems like my second home lately, but this time to Southend with 13 other teenagers. Oh commuters LOVED US. Had fun on the rides and had ice cream on the beach, all in the rain. LOVELY. Plus, Leon from Eastenders was there, which me and Kiera went barmy over. Complete with leather jacket and sunglasses. Cor.

19th - Toy Story 3 and McDonald's with my bestie. I felt about 7 again. The film is absolutely brilliant and really emotional! I want to bring my Barbies back. Well in Pixar, well in.

21st - The day my mind went WTF and OMG and other such abbreviations. Inception. That movie is SO GOOD with so many underlying meanings that I'm only just finding out about, but would actually rather not as my brain had settled on everything that happened and I really shouldn't fuck about with it. Considering my love for dreaming and other fancy pancy stuff, it was AWESOME.

22nd - 23rd - Nan and Grandad's house with my little brother. Apart from this time, I took him on the trains and buses instead of mum driving us. Matt was clearly bouncing off the walls at being let off the leash and would not SHUT UP the whole way there. "Louise look at this..." "Louise can we go there?" "What's that Louise?" "Are we getting off now Louise?" He wants to be a pilot, if you were wondering. Then he beat me at Scrabble that night, so I drowned my sorrows, by reading two books.

24th - Scorcher of a day, spent at Jake's BBQ flashing my new playsuit.

26th - The start of Operation Mum's Birthday, the start of the TweetCard...

28th - Mum's birthday. Involving breakfast in bed, present opening, TGI Friday's and mum's best friend coming round with her daughters Charlotte and Georgia. LOL night that was. For example, Georgia: "I thought herpes was a Greek God?" Charlotte: "George that's Hermes..." Oh it was full on ROFLMAO stuff.

29th - James' birthday, where I got a tad tipsy, Nadia got properly together with Sam, and I fell off the swing.

30th - Back to London with Charlotte and Georgia. First stop, Southbank to watch This Morning and watch Spellbound do there thang. After a walk along The Thames, we went to Harrods to awe at the hugeness and glamourness of the place, but soon got bored and hungry so went to Hyde Park, to only get refused pedalos cos we lied about our age. Oops. I'm sorry but I am NOT paying a tenner when a child's ticket is £3! So we went to Covent Garden instead, saw Captain Jack Sparrow and stalked Heat towers for two hours, which was the highlight of the whole day. Everytime a Heat person walked out I went OMG and spazzed like they were proper celebs. Weirdo right here. Plus we got busted by the nommy nom nom and also phwoar Heatgeek. So we rolled about laughing on the pavement until a foreign person asked us directions...

31st - Today. Reminiscing over the last month and getting ready for tomorrow, for my auntie and cousin who are over from Canada. SCREAM.

If August is anything like this month, then BRING. IT. ON. X

24 Jul 2010

1952, Doreen, 15

I took my brother on the trains and buses to my Nan and Grandad's on Thursday. I'd only done it once and having an 11 year old with me for the second time made it more interesting* (*annoying). We didn't get lost and everything went to plan, but Matt wouldn't shut the hell up all the way there from being so excited to be going on public transport without an adult. I don't blame him really, seeing as I wasn't allowed on trips like that at his age but him having an older sister made things different so he could. I did the whole "Mmm" and "Yeah" responses as he gabbled on...and on (he wants to be a pilot, if you were wondering) until we finally got there. Then I consumed about tripled the amount of calories a 16 year old should, in the space of about an hour.

My Nan and Grandad don't have the internet (I KNOW RIGHT, HOW DO THEY COPE?!), so the only form of world wide webbing was through my phone...which ran out of battery *facepalm* So I spent the afternoon reading and getting beaten by my 11 year old English hating brother at Scrabble. You may punish me as you like, I am a disappointment I know. As the evening drew on, my Grandad went to have a nap and my brother went to bed, leaving me and Nan watching Eastenders and debating whether Denise was really dead or not. Then we proceeded to have a conversation which had me :Oing, WTFing and *jealousface*ing.

                                              Me and my Nanny.

My Nan was born in 1937 when schooling and working was a lot different to how it is now. She left school at 15, which nowadays is seen as a VERY stupid thing to do what with all the "YOU HAVE TO DO A-LEVELS THEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO UNI FOR 43856234986Y209846 YEARS OR YOU WON'T GET A GOOD JOB AND YOU'LL END UP ON THE STREETS SELLING YOURSELF TO MEN AND GETTING PREGGERS WITH NO HOME AND YOU'LL DIE." thing, but you didn't have much of a choice back then, you had to leave, find a job yourself and earn your living at that age. 15! 15 seems so young now, even 16/17/18 seems too young to be working now (which I think is RIDICULOUS but I won't bore you with my rants). Nanny went into work as a typist with a load of spinsters (I have no idea what that means, but I nodded along in agreement nonetheless), and went to night school to learn about shorthand and further typing skillzzz (It seems to me that every girl/woman was a typist/shorthand...person back then), and one day her teacher approached her to ask if she wanted to work in a bank and be a typist/shorthand person for the bank manager. The pay was VERY good so she accepted right away. She was FIFTEEN. From then, my Nan travelled from East Ham to somewhere near Picadilly Circus every day for this job, until she was 19 and was asked to leave because she was getting married. *double takes that sentence* She was NINETEEN and was getting married, and she was ASKED TO LEAVE HER JOB because she was getting married. SORRY?! Now I thought that her boss was a total dick for doing that, but that was the norm back then. If you were getting married, you had to leave your job and become a housewife. Stereotyping woman hating much?! So she did, she left her very good job, got married, and managed to get another job in advertising, which she hated so didn't stay for long, and ended up working for the Council in East Ham instead.

Now imagine all that happening now, in 2010. A fifteen year old girl with no proper qualifications getting a high paid job in London. Erm, YES PLEASE! If I could manage to get a job in London (writing stuff, obv) then I would take it like a shot. But would anyone hire a nearly 17 year old even with a good set of GCSE results now? No, of course they wouldn't. Instead, I have to spend two more years at school doing A Levels that I'm 80% sure the employers I'm aiming for won't give two shits about, and then it's expected of me to go to University to study more about stuff I already know and can do before I can even TRY and get a job. I'm gonna be in my 20s before I even have a chance at doing what I want to do. My Nan was already MARRIED and had been working for 4 YEARS at 20. Why can't it be like that now? It worked fine back then, so why couldn't it stay like that? There is SO MUCH pressure for every single teenager to go to University that it makes me sick. The chances of achieving what you want in life is getting slimmer and slimmer because there's so much mothereffing competition now. It's all about STUDYSTUDYSTUDY and getting some letters on a piece of paper to prove you can indeed a certain thing, when all some teens (me included) want to do is bloody get out there and DO IT to prove we can! Getting the experience and actually living it, instead of taking shitty exams that will be no help to us whatsoever. Of course, some are well suited to University and want to learn hoards more (to be a Doctor or Teacher for example), but not everyone is. If it's like this now, then how on earth is it going to work out for young'uns like my brother? Does he even have a chance at becoming a pilot even though he's clever, but not as clever as somebody else? Just because he hates English does that mean he can't do it? Even though he has a passion for flying, is good at other things and is in great physical shape, he can't do it because he can't write an essay? 

I want to write stuff and crave experiences SO BAD, but it's just not gonna work out like that, is it? Bring back 1952, Doreen, 15. X

20 Jul 2010

Dreams, stars and lah-di-dahs

Pre-2008 I had a bad case of insomnia almost every night. It was shit and I dreaded going to bed every night cos I knew full well that I'd be lying there for hours and hours before I ended up going to sleep out of exhaustion from crying out of desperation. Night time scared me. Now, I've always looked forward to going to sleep, because it gives me a time to think, to plan, and to make my own perfect dreams and scenarios up which eventually send me to sleep. I've been known for my crazy WTF dreams, I won't go into them as there's a high chance you might end up unfollowing me or running away to a different a country which doesn't have internet access, so just take my word for it.

There is a reason that I can make up these dreams before I actually dream, and it's a reason that's been stuck with me for two years, but because of something on Saturday night, it's all changed and it needs to go before it takes over my life even more than it is now. The urge and desperation I have to explain it all is so great, but I can't take the risk in case the person/people it involves ends up reading this and my life may as well be over. But as I said, something occurred on Saturday night which led me to believe that sooner or later my blissful amazing nights won't be as amazeballs as they usually are. It sent my organs to the floor, and took my mind with it. Felt like the past two years have been a waste and the thought of it being over makes me feel plain, like things have been erased. I went into a silent shutdown, still am. Things won't be the same now. You have no idea what I'm talking about do you?

I woke up in the middle of Saturday night with hiccups. I know right. I got hiccups in my sleep and had to do a headstand on my bed to get rid of them. I have no idea how or why I got them, but I remember the dream I was having and if that's anything to go by I then I was either crying or freaking out. That was interesting.

On Sunday night I had a dream that my mum was dying. It was the worst experience (though not real) of my entire fecking life. Even writing it now my eyes are stinging and throat's closing up just thinking about it. It was a nightmare, not a dream, and I haven't had one for years. There was nothing I could do, I couldn't hug her, couldn't help her, couldn't save her. All I could do was talk to her as she sat there going "But you'll be okay right?" even though I knew she wouldn't. I woke up in a right state and have never leapt out of bed fast enough to run to mum and jump on her. Literally. Jumped on her lap and hugged her. She seemed a big bemused seeing as usually I'll shuffle out of my room without saying good morning, get some breakfast and come back upstairs. She didn't complain though, nor did she ask why which I was glad of as I could not and will not ever say what happened.

So all in all those two nights were pretty shite and I have a feeling they're not going to get better any time soon. The reason it bothers me so much is that I believe (or have an interest in anyway) in all dreams, and horoscopes, and karma, and fate and all that shabang. I've gone on enough about how, yes, amazeballs, my life has been recently and honestly think all of that has something to do with it. All my horoscopes have always ran true to their word and I've abided by what they've said and everything's been dandy. But since Saturday, it's all gone wrong and I've been quietly freaking the fuck out. Nothing's making sense, or applying to me, or happening as it says, which scares me as it shows that I rely on them so much. I rely on my dreams and my stars to tell me what to do and how things are going to happen on a said day, but now things have gone tits up I'm going round like a headless chicken thinking something really bad is going to happen any day now. Everything I believe in is going against me, and I don't feel myself in the absolute slightest. I want McDonalds all the time for a start, and I hate McDonalds.

So yeah, that's what's been happening. Teen love heartbreak, holiday heartbreak, dream heartbreak, and a real fucked up heart to go with it. Fab. X

8 Jul 2010

Dear Louise...

It's 2020. Blimey that sounds futuristic. How's it going? What are you DOING? You're 26 now, proper grown up, no more complaining about be treated like a child, if that's still happening then you can't use excuses, you've fucked that up yourself.

Ten years have passed Jones, or ARE you still Jones? You can't be married at 26, can you? Do you have children? I can't see that happening myself, but maybe that's what's happened. Anything could happen in ten years I suppose. Maybe you met someone on holiday, or at work, or at Uni. Did you go to Uni? Did you brave it out? Or did you play chicken, freak out and go it your own way? I wouldn't be surprised. Your 16 year old self writing this is shit scared about Uni and would rather not go, being the "I JUST WANNA DO IT NOW" person I am. I kind of hope you did go, and went to one in London like you always hoped. Was it worth it?

I guess the main question I really should ask is, ARE YOU A JOURNALIST? Did you do it? Did you achieve everything you dreamed of as a teen? I wonder who you're working for, a magazine? Newspaper? Maybe you're freelance, I hope you bloody are freelance girl. Although at 26 you might have only just started out and don't have a choice. Ha, I can imagine you being the 'new girl', starting at the bottom and getting told what to do all the time. You'll hate that, being told what to do, you'll want to do your own thing, come up with your own ideas. What about writing books? Still doing that? You a best selling author yet? I wonder if your first ever book, the one I'm writing right now, managed to get published. Probably not. But what if it did? You're a bloody genius girl if it did, I'd be proud of you. But, what if you're not doing anything to do with journalism and writing at all? Maybe you changed your mind, decided to become a secretary, a receptionist, a cashier. I hope not. That would be shit and would prove my 16th year of living an absolute waste of time. Do you even remember how this all started? How a couple of random quick though actions changed your life?

So, how's @louisejones_x? Swear to God you better still be tweeting, that is if Twitter's still going. Mind you, ten years IS a long time and something new has probably started up, wouldn't surprise me. Are you still 'friends' with the people you met on Twitter? What about the people that helped you out and did things for you that you never expected them to do, and made you go !!!!!!!!!!!!! quite a lot? I sincerely hope you are, maybe you're proper friends now? Now you're 26 you're 'allowed' to be proper friends with them, go out for drinks, parties and whatnot. If they want you to, obv. Maybe you turned out to be a right bitch and they turned you away. If that did happen, then I hate you. If it didn't and you ARE proper friends with them, then HIGHFIVE. I wonder how many followers you managed to get, over a thousand? Few thousand? Perhaps somehow you're famous and have tens of thousands. I want your autograph if you are famous.

I just hope you're happy, 26 year old me. I hope you're successful. I hope you're doing everything you wanted to do. I hope you fought your way through A levels, Uni, and the start of life. Your 16 year old self doesn't really understand life yet, no matter how much she rabbles on about it and complaining about how she DOES understand things. I don't think she does. Am I doing things right now? Going the right way about things? I'm just watching and listening right now, gaining experiences, and people are influencing me hella loads atm. I just hope I'm not screwing things up and going too far with things. I am 16 after all. I'm meant to be going out to parties, hanging around parks, getting drunk, making stupid teen mistakes, and crying over boys. But I'm not. Should I be? Did I miss out? Please tell me I didn't miss out.

I wonder what life's like in 2020. Have we still got a fucked up government? Probably. Is Apple still making pointless yet still amazeballs products? Probably. Are we still at war with Iraq/Iran/Afghanistan? Probably. I hope it's alright, I hope it hasn't changed that much from now, 2010. Ooh I hope they made hovercrafts, or flying cars, or somehow created a way for people to fly. Bloody hell that would be incredible. I bet books don't even exist now. Do people even know how to write still? Or have we gone back to cavemen and converse in grunts because the internet has taken over the world? Again, I wouldn't be surprised. DID BIG BROTHER COME BACK? Did it really move to Channel 5? Was I on BB if it did? I would have auditioned I'm telling you now. What about Doctor Who? Daleks still pissing around? I wonder how many footballers have admitted to cheating. All of them, I'm guessing. I bet we don't even HAVE a national football team now cos we're so shit. Is Prince Harry King yet? He better be. OMG did you marry him? Maybe you're living in Buck Pal with all your little posh kids running around, going to Ascot and taking part in Trooping the Colour. Cor, good on you girl if you are, GOOD ON YA.

Well I'm off to carry on writing my book, you know, that best selling book that sold hundreds and hundreds of copies ten years ago? Yeah, that one. I just want you to remember everything, Louise. Remember all the things you did as a 16 year old, and how the hell you managed to do everything you did 'back in the day', how much you couldn't believe the things happening to you, the opportunities you started to have. You were one lucky sod. I really do hope, that by some miraculous reason, you manage to read this when the time comes. I guess the point of it is to see whether I'm everything I hoped I would be, and to see whether I grew up to be the lovely, funny, awesome woman I dream of being. Living in London with a gorgeous family, having amazing inspirational friends, writing books and being a freelance journalist. I mean, that's if the world doesn't end in 2012, that is...

3 Jul 2010

Just hanging with Davina...

Last night was the best night of my whole life. Ever. EVEREVEREVER.

I found out on Monday that I could go to Big Brother and meet Davina, but I had to keep schtum and hold fire until Friday. So what did I do to keep my gob shut? Not go on Twitter. I know right. The things I do for awesomeness. But as Friday came about I didn't think twice about tweeting to my heart's content about it, to the point where I sincerely thought my head was gonna explode. I was going to meet Davina McCall, the sole person I've always wanted to meet. I understand that I, once again, sound like an obsessed stalker. But I don't really care. I love her. END.

We drove to Elstree, always the safer option for us now, and got there an hour and a half early. So we popped into Tescos, silently laughing at the long queue of people waiting to get into BB. Mwahahaha, no queuing for us thank you very much. After nomming on jaffa cakes we met @simperman and made our way into the site, being called 'Davina's guests'. WOWZA. After meeting some of Davina's friends that Paul knew and her bodyguard, we followed him to her dressing room. Now, at this point I don't think I'd quite grasped the fact that I was going IN her dressing room. I thought we were just going to say a quick hello before she started the show, and that would be IT. But no. Oh no no my friends, the DAVINA sign on the door soon had me swallowing my own screams and clenching my hands to stop them shaking like a nutter. Door opened. We shuffled in. Davina was sitting there getting her hair done.


That was my reaction.


Bypassing the fact I that I was in shock to be there, let's focus on the marvel that is her dressing room. It's gorge. All cream and black and designery and comfy and cosy. I sat down on the sofa next to her cousin and listened in awe to the conversations going on in the room, between her family, friends, hairdresser, make up artist. As much as I'd have liked to join in, I think the only sound I could fathom was the odd 'haha'. Literally. Then her lovely bodyguard Tony came in and offered us a tour of BB. Er, YES PLEASE. So we did. We saw the interview room, BBBM, the production room bit with over 50 screens of the BB camera and loads of people just watching them, picking out the best bits for the show. It was amazing, NOW I was talking and asking loads of questions, I felt well clever *smugface*. After making our way back to the dressing room, Davina came over and we chatted about BB for a bit, getting photos and whatnot.
We got our special wristbands and were led to 'the pit', which to be honest sounded shit scary and I thought we were gonna get crushed. But the looks. OH THE LOOKS from people as we were guided in by security to the front were BRILLIANT. If looks could kill, they were the looks. I felt famous I tell you, I could get used to that. 

And then we watched the show.

And then we were taken away to watch the interview.

And then there was a POWERCUT. Told you everything happens when we're at TV shows. Everything literally went black, and people went crazy screaming and running about! And that was just the crew, mumbling and scurrying around trying to figure out WTF was going on. It was awfully brilliant.

And then I got these shoved in my hands by Tony the bodyguard. LOVELOVELOVELOVE. *clutches to chest* Everyone turned round and stared as they realised I was given cue cards, there was one crazy lady next to me who clearly wanted them and made sure everyone around me knew I had them. LEAVE ME ALONE. My cue cards. *say in style of 'MY BUBBLES' from Finding Nemo*

And then we went on Big Brother's Big Mouth

And then we went back to the dressing room and chatted while Davina got ready to go.

And then we all left together. Special much.

And then we went home at 1am.

And then I fell asleep thinking "Oh holy effing mother of sweet baby Jesus how did all that happen..."