20 Sept 2018

25 things I unapologetically don't give a fuck about now I’m 25

Me, not giving a fuck about the Camp Nou tour in Barcelona, but accepting the fact that Ryan did give a monumental fuck

Hello. I am 25 years old now. And to celebrate turning 25, here is a list of 25 things I am boldly, unashamedly, confidently willing to share that I unapologetically don’t give a fuck about. Because I am 25 and don’t have the time, effort, or care to pretend. It’s ok to not give a fuck about stuff.

DISCLAIMER: You can give a fuck about these things, you do you. I don’t care if you give a fuck about these things. A lot of people DO give a fuck about them and that’s cool, good for you. That’s why they’re on my list. They’re things that most people give a fuck about. I just don’t. Like, I don’t hate them or have anything against them, I don’t have a moral stance against them, I just… don’t care. I do not give a fuck. I do not give a fuck about these things. And that is ok. Ok? Ok. 

1 - Festivals. Not bothered. Don’t want to be on my feet all day, don’t want to be around people all the time, don’t want to sleep in a tent, can’t be arsed with the festival admin, I’d get too tired/stressed/anxious. It’d bring me no thrill. Stop telling me to go to a festival. 

2 - Drinking games. I am not a Fresher and hate forced fun, just let me drink my drink. 

3 - Eggs. In any form. No.

4 - TMI. Bodies are bodies. I text friends when I’m having a good poo, I have really hairy toes (good blood flow in my feet from running, science fans), I show Ryan when I get a massive period clot, I love squeezing spots, I save up my nipple hairs for a good plucking sesh, and I constantly pick at the bogies that get caught on the inside of my nose stud. I HAVE A BODY, IT DOES BODY THINGS and I’ll bloody tell you about it if it’s a good story.

5 - Make up. I’ve tried. I get bored, I don’t care enough about what my face looks like, I don’t have the time, can’t be arsed to spend the money, and especially can’t be arsed to take it all off again at the end of the day, fucking hell. 

6 - Love Island SLASH any show that requires a nightly commitment. I cannot commit and will not commit, I’ve got shit to do.

7 - Heels. I don’t like being tall, I don’t like walking weirdly, they hurt.

8 - Podcasts. I just do not have the concentration for them. Again, I’ve tried. I last about 10 seconds before I’m thinking about dinner. I need visuals.

9 - Halloween. Apart from the discounted sweets the day after.

10 - RELATED: fancy dress. It brings me no joy.

11 - Brunch in any form, including bottomless. I can give or take prosecco, don’t like ‘brunch’ foods, and hate the word ‘brunch’, it’s weird.

12 - Standing at gigs. Long gone are the days where I’d queue for hours outside venues to make sure I was at the front. Give me a damn seat to rest my weary bones. Don’t touch me. Don’t spill your drink on me. Don’t dance around me. 

13 - Staying up later than 10pm (unless I’m at a gig). I’m a morning owl. Morning… worm. Night owl, morning… what’s morning? Fuck it. I hate staying up late, I panic that I won’t get a good sleep. As soon as it hits 10pm: BED. Unconscious. You go and have your late night fun.

14 - Network marketing. Stop trying to sell me your shit. I’m perfectly fine with vegetables.

15 - Dancing. Unless I’m drunk or it’s, like, Cotton Eye Joe. 

16 - Tea and coffee. Yes I’ve tried fruit teas. No I don’t like coffee cake. Yes I've tried hot chocolate, no I don’t like that either. Gin is fine on a cold day.

17 - Driving. I don’t drive because I don’t want to drive, stop asking me.

18 - Masterchef. It’s on more than the fucking DFS sale. 

19 - Nando’s. Don’t get it.

20 - Period dramas. The TV kind, not the vaginal kind, I LOVE those.

21 - Monzo. Stop telling me to get a Monzo card, I’m perfectly fine with my bank of choice. 

22 - Sushi. Honestly why.

23 - Dubai. It’s weird. 

24 - Going out out. Just come round and we’ll order pizza and drink gin and talk about the things we don’t give a fuck about.

25 - People giving a fuck about me not giving a fuck about the things I don’t give a fuck about.

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