Keeping up with the Joneses

February 28, 2010

My family is strange. I know most people say that about their families but seriously, my are a tad weird, not even strange, just plain weird. The only two other families which could possibly (definitely) be stranger are the Hutchins' and Sherlock's...they are off their tits 24/7. 

Today was my Dad's turn to be a 'joker' in a 'Dad-sort-of-joker' type of way. He has his own sense of humour which comes from two sources. One, he's old. Two, he's from Birmingham and Brummies are nuts, whenever I'm up there visiting family I need a high dose of sugar intake beforehand to keep up with them, especially my cousin.

Today's jokerly antics from my father:

1) 10 minutes after finishing our Sunday roast (which was nom), my mum huffily got up and said "Alright then I'LL get dessert, you know, I've only made the beds, done the washing and ironing and made this bloody dinner today" To which my dad replied "Yeah you should you haven't done anything for the past five minutes *sips wine and carries on reading paper*" OOOOHHHHH dangerous move from the father. For me and my brother it was like watching a wrestling match. Aaaaannnnd in the red corner we have THE MOTHER with PMT who at any moment could throw left over steak and kidney into any direction! Aaaaaand in the blue corner we have THE FATHER with an extremely dry sense of humour and risky behaviour brought on by the wine! It was tense. Mum mumbled something inaudible as a reply as mothers do, to which my father went "Shush and get back in the kitchen" OOHH OH OH OH! Hilariously harsh but my mum forgave him after he groped her from behind. *stares* I'm all for loving...er...gestures...but PLEASE not in front of the CHILDREN. *runs*

2) While we were all watching tv together as a family this afternoon (Dad reading paper, Mum filing, me on itouch on twitter, brother on ds...to be fair we were in the same room together which is rare) Dad broke the silence and stated "According to this article it costs over £2000 a year to raise a child. Let's sell one one of ours. *gets out a coin* Right Louise heads or tails?" The sincerity in his voice was alarming. Me and Matt just stared at him and said nothing *tumbleweed* He got the picture and went on to explaining the government to us instead. I left soon after.

3) My mum has gel nails, they're not fake, but she has a gel coating on them which look fake but it's healthier..oh stuff it they're fake I have no idea what I'm going on about. They fall off, which says to me that they're fake. ANYWAY. One fell off at dinner, oh how hygienic yes I know, and my brother found a cornflake on the floor, oh how hygienic again, and placed it on mum's real nail going "Oh look that looks even better!" My dad unbeknown to the fact that actually one had fallen off went "That's a nice colour, you should have had all the nails like that..." "Martin it's a cornflake you tit head." I love my mum.

More Dad type stuff probably happened but to be quite frank I'm on a high from Danny getting 22 in DOI and can't think straight.

Going back to my estranged family and how different we are, we are also alike in many ways. I am talking about my cousins here. I only have 3 cousins, most people have like 14345265, and they all live AGES away *sad face*. One lives in Birmingham and the other two have lived in Canada all their lives. There are three of us girls and two boys. Us girls are Lauren (in Canada age 25) Louise (in Essex aged 16) and Lily (in Birmingham aged 13) Observation number one, we are all L.Jones'. Observation (well if you've seen us) number two, we are all tall, slim (not so slim for me) and have identical hair (until I dyed it) OKAY SO MABYE WE'RE NOT ALIKE. But until last year we were. All blonde hair, all tall, all skinny, all spoke exactly the same (apart from accents) Oh fuck it this paragraph was totally not needed, did not make any sense in the slightest and you all are probably reading this going "Wtf is this girl on *stares around at others shrugging*"

THIS WEEKEND I BECAME ORGANISED. *opens arms wide, head up, wind blows around dramatically* Yesterday I planned my Art coursework and finished all but one page of my Textiles coursework. Today I carried out two tasks I planned in my Art coursework and did a French essay. The 'rents nearly died in shock when I shoved it in their faces just to prove I DON'T just sit on my laptop all day staring at a screen...I do...but I'm a woman I can mulit task. I only have just over a month till my first GCSEs. 'But in the last blog you were slagging off GCSEs and that you didn't care about them?' I changed my mind. I'm a hormonal teenager I'm allowed. *sticks out tongue* So I figured I should get myself prepared and work extra hard to get all A*s, As and Bs in my results. I WILL I WILL I WILL. Motivation part of blog over.

I have also come to the conclusion that I have a lot of different thoughts swimming round my fragile mind, I change those thoughts constantly, and I am very paranoid. I should probably sort that out.

I have also also found out that my life isn't complete and I need to take part in the ritual of watching and reading The Godfather. *shrugs* Okay.

And that was a very random blog from a very worn and stressed out teen. I bid you adieu and promises of a better blog next time. X

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