SOCIAL MEDIA

5 Apr 2020

She died, I think


They say when someone dies, you want the world to stop. You want everyone to be sad. You want the world as scheduled to pause and reshuffle and not ever be the same again. You want everyone to observe the fact that this incredible, integral, powerhouse of a person has gone, and how dare anyone try to carry on as normal. Why are you laughing? Work? Well, what’s the point? Why are you going out, what could you simply want to be doing? Just stop.

My nan died a week ago. She didn’t die from coronavirus but did die during coronavirus, and there’s no difference. The rules are the same. There are rules, now, with dealing with death.

11 Oct 2019

Jury's out


Disclaimer: I’m not going to talk about any of the details of the trial here so if you’re looking for those juicy nuggets of trauma, sorry. Netflix is your friend. 

I walked past someone who I did jury with on my way home from work today. Weird. She didn’t see me. We were crossing the road in opposite directions, and she was holding the hand of her ‘my little girl’ as she kept calling her with a smile in our two weeks together. 

My reaction was… extreme. It was like parallel universes crossing with nails-on-blackboard friction. My legs went, my bum felt weak like my insides were about to fall out, and the world seemed to bubble in my ears for a split second. I was, essentially, on the verge of a panic attack.

2 Sep 2019

I miss chatting shit

Mmm, hormones. Tasty.

Hi my name’s Louise and apparently this is still my blog? 

I posted a big ol’ thing on Instagram yesterday about being on the Pill and then coming off the Pill and then going back on the Pill. You should read it. Long story short, I came off it because I thought I should come off it, because I thought the Pill was bad and that I should be my ‘natural’ self, but turns out my ‘natural self’ is a living fucking nightmare and nobody wants that, especially me (‘The only person you have to  deal with every day is yourself’ - someone smart in my Instagram comments) so I’m back on the Pill.

20 Jun 2019

Basel, Switzerland (March 2019)


10 minutes ago Ryan said, ‘You’ve still got that Vego chocolate bar in the fridge,’ and I squealed, because I forgot all about it. I thought I ate it ages ago, as soon as Lent was over. My friend Grace gave it to me on the plane back from Basel in March, three months ago. I saved it. Vego is a vegan chocolate brand. Grace is vegan. I went to Basel in Switzerland with her. 

Yes. I went to Switzerland, the land of cheese and chocolate, with a vegan*.

23 May 2019

Don't answer that


‘“You feel like you’re going to fall because you’re broken into a hundred different floating pieces,” she told me. “You’re all over the place. You’ve got no rooting. You don’t know how to be with yourself.” The back wall of my eyeballs finally gave way and tears poured out from the deepest well in the pit of my stomach. 
“I feel like nothing is holding me together anymore,” I told her.
“Of course you do,” she said with a new softness. “You’ve got no sense of self.”’
- Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love