19 Aug 2011

"Housemates. You have been evicted. Please leave the house via the door on your left." And then my life ended.

It's been over a week since I left the Big Brother house. It's hard on the outside. So difficult to adjust to reality. I've seen countless psychologists but nothing is helping. I keep waiting outside my bathroom, waiting for the green light to appear above it before I go in. I've waited by the hatch every morning in the kitchen waiting for cereal. I've put a sofa in my garden as a makeshift Smoker's Corner, and I don't even smoke. I just miss the house so much. MY house. My beautiful lovely house, which has now been INVADED by squatters making me want to storm it and drag them all out like an angry parent.

I wanted to do this blog post as soon as I got back, when I was on a complete high from being in the actual house for an afternoon, but being the procrastinator queen that I am, I never got round to it. It was quite possibly definitely the best day of my life. Big Brother's been in my life since, like, forever, and seeing as I'm not even 18 yet, I am officially the youngest person to ever be a Big Brother housemate. I'm having that as my title now. I want to be known as that. Put it on my gravestone please and thank you.

We got to walk up the BLOODY STAIRS like a PROPER ENTRANCE through the ACTUAL SLIDING DOOR

With scouserachel and simperman ON THE SOFAS. WITH THE WELCOME PACK. You know, the one that KERRY KATONA had last night. js.

Jungle Cats. Oh, it was war.


There's a bloody SAUNA. It's really hot. Like a sauna.

We lived on champagne and breadsticks.

James and Ariane in Smoker's Corner


That shit hurt


Comfy chairs

Emma Kennedy and the Diary Room

Just making ourselves at home y'know



In bed with Rachel
Quite amused by my leg

Picture of the day

I was just so HAPPY, man

Well there are the photos, and there may be more official ones soon. I don't know. We're all getting our own DVDs of the afternoon, and being edited into a proper show (which I'll hopefully be able to post up here). If I hear Marcus Bentley go "4.26pm. Louise is in the bedroom." I will frickin' wet myself. I don't want to say anything more so it doesn't ruin the actual 'show' for you. It'll just have to be a SURPRISE. *jazz hands* I hope we get a best bits too, but if we don't, here are my best bits...

  • Within minutes of entering the house, Emma walked straight into a glass wall. Highlight of the day settled there and then.
  • James quite literally taking the plunge into the pool (heated) when it was pouring with rain.
  • Ariane asking if the grass was real, how to work the toilet, and that you can't see out of blindfolds.
  • Getting in the bath with Rachel then James turning the water on.
  • First entering the house as a housemate. I can't tell you how trippy that feels as a Big Brother fan.
  • Us all in the Diary Room before leaving and talking to Big Brother.
  • But the ultimate best moment is the green light suddenly appearing above the bedroom door, after Big Brother telling us we weren't allowed in. So, as no one else had noticed, I went up and pushed the door. It opened. I screamed. Everyone else ran after me, switched the light on, and we, quite literally, ran around the bedroom screaming and jumping on the beds, before Big Brother told us to get out. Mum said she was mortified when she found out I was the one who found it unlocked. Not my fault. They accidently unlocked it. *angel face*

All in all, it was so bloody amazingly brilliantly surrealy and any other excitable adjectives you can come up with ACE, and it was all down to Julian Stockon. So if you're reading this Julian, THANK YOU, again, for the billionth time. 

Seeing the new celebrity housemates in MY house last night was weird and I can't wait to see what Big Brother have planned for them............BUT SERIOUSLY GET OUT MY BLOODY BED AND TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF, YOU'LL RUIN THE CARPET. X

7 Aug 2011

'Boredom' is an anagram of 'Bedroom' which is ironic because I am bored in my bedroom

I am bored. I have been bored for 4 hours. And a bit. I am sitting on a chair in my room, which squeaks every time I move. I am wearing a pyjama top, hoody, and shorts. It is raining. Which is quite nice. I like the rain. My windowsills are soaking wet because I can't be bothered to shut my windows. I need a wee, and have needed one for quite a while. My right index finger aches from endlessly scrolling and refreshing, with minimal positive outcomes. My left hand is getting that pre-pins and needles thing because I've had a tissue pressed to my face for a good 10 minutes as I've picked a scab and now it's bleeding like frickin' Niagara Falls. My room is engulfed in a strong stench of nail varnish remover, which is probably quite dangerous, but I've left the top to the bottle in mum's room and can't be arsed to get it. I also can't be arsed to remove the rest of my nail varnish so have a green stained thing going on with my nails.

(I couldn't hold my wee any longer)

Can't believe I'm so bored I've resorted to talking about my need for wee. C'est la vie. STOP RHYMING.


It worries me that in my second week of the summer holidays (technically speaking, seeing as the first full week was Kos week) I'm bored already. I've done nothing today. Nothing. N o t h i n g. I should be used to doing nothing, seeing as that's what we did in Kos. We lay in the sun all day, doing nothing. Although to be fair, lying on the sofa while my little brother runs around the house with friends screaming, while my mum is screaming at them, and my dad has the football on the TV at maximum volume because of said screaming...isn't really the same. I'd do a whole blog post dedicated to mine and Clare's gallivanting around Kos, but it wouldn't be worth it because we did, er, nothing. So have some photos here instead.

Things I have managed to achieve today:

  • Get up before midday.
  • Finally persuade the 'rents to let me have an 18th birthday party at home. (ooooohyeeeeeeah)
  • Make a Facebook event for said party, and continually refresh it to see if people like me and 'attend'.
  • Eat a roast dinner. Achievement, I know. It's succeeding through battles like this that spur me on for greater future success, and make me proud to be a human being.
  • Watch 3 cat youtube videos.
  • Watch 1 adorable child youtube video.
  • Watch 1 freaky youtube video.
  • See 3 twitter fights unfold.
  • Carry on writing my book. The document is open.
  • Take off and reapply my nail varnish. (work in progress)
*le sigh*

Today IS special, though, because I have a new baby cousin. Zachary.

So combing these photos, with the new one of Beckham and Baby...

...I now feel like my fallopian tubes are flapping around my face, while my brooding heart bleeds out my eyes with every new photo. I want a baby. Now.*

WELL, that's about it. I'm gonna goooo aaaannnddd....oh let's not kid ourselves I'll still be sitting here until midnight. But know that I am going in the Big Brother house for a day on Thursday with the likes of EMMA KENNEDY (yeah you heard right) so my boredom will be severely diminished. Ciao. X

(* I am, of course, totally lying, but I've always held a small hope that one day a baby will be left on our doorstep, or I find one abandoned on the side of the road.)