Once upon a weekend my Internet ran away...

January 24, 2010

This could quite possibly be the most frustrating, depressing and stressful weekend of my life. Ever.


It all started off on a cold and dark winters night...which has no relevance at all but really sets the scene doesn't it? I was watching Celebrity Big Brother's Big Mouth (CBBBM) on my laptop cos Dad decided to watch the ever so thrilling *yawn* darts on Sky; I watch TV shows on www.tvguide.co.uk It's very good but so effing slow. Anyway I was powering my way through the buffering when my internet decided to cut out. Great I thought, however this happens a lot to me and usually comes back on 30seconds later, but when it didn't, I could feel my heart beating louder and louder as my mind went through so many possibilities. Before I got carried away ('OMG WHAT IF ALIENS HAVE BROKEN THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE AND CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION DEVICES'), I went to switch the internet box thing off and on again, which should work...it didn't. It was at this point I started writing my will before crawling under the duvet to listen to depressing songs.


Saturday morning I woke up forgetting last night's disaster and switched my laptop on as normal. I nearly fell of my chair when I saw 'Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage' and scurried downstairs to munch on a pain au chocolat to get my sugar levels up. By now I'd convinced myself that everything would be fine, it was just a little hiccup and it would be back to normal soon, so me and my Mum sat down to watch Eddie Izzard's DVD - which is HILARIOUS might I add. As the evening drew near my Mum phoned up the Orange people who are our Internet servers and ended up in a huge shouting match with them (they said we needed a new box thing and it wouldn't be here for 3-5 days, I'm sorry, but NO!) After speaking with the supervisor who said give it 48hours while they try and fix it, my Mum slammed the phone down and went to make herself a cuppa, leaving me standing in the middle of room for 20mins. literally, not knowing what to do with myself. I ended up on the floor in the foetal position clutching my phone and sobbing, seriously, for about half an hour listening to more depressing songs. Then I sorted out my wardrobe. That in itself explains my state of mind at this point.


I began to do my Physics coursework out of sheer boredom and losingitosity when I convinced myself we were being burgled, I even typed out 999 on my phone. The doorbell and my Mum went to answer it; my music was turned up loud but suddenly I heard a slam, a high pitched shout, mumbling, then silence. I'm sorry but who wouldn't think that was someone forcing their way into your home? My reaction was like a meerkat's. I sat up, turned the music off, grabbed my phone and steered my eyes towards my windows hatching an escape plan (which was already in my head, you know when you go through scenarios of 'What would I do if...'? Well this was one of those.) But my scenario was shattered when my brother ran up the stares asking if I wanted a bacon sandwich.


This dreadful day ended by texting Ronan and Max to keep me sane. Ronan said my internet had clearly run away with a distant relative to Yugoslavia and Max said I was missed and he couldn't find Lion King anywhere today. Yes that kept me sane.


Woke up Sunday miserable again, knowing full well this would be a day of no internet and therefore no life. I planned to sit in my pjs all day doing nothing but play Sims 2, when something flickered in my brain telling me to search for other wireless networks around. I gingerly pressed the refresh button on the wireless page, and one came up with no security. However much I tried to keep them down my hopes were having a sky high rave inside me as I double clicked. 'Connecting...CONNECTED.' My eyes zipped down to the little computer icon in the bottom right hand corner and the X had gone but the little blue circle over the computers still wasn't there. This moment was like a baby being born and everyone waiting for it to cry...my eyes were glued and time stood still as BAM! BLUE CIRCLE! I screamed, I jumped, I kissed the laptop screen as my mouse flew to the IE icon and tabs flew open to Twitter, YouTube, Hotmail, Facebook and 4OD...which is why my laptop then crashed...THE END.


NOT REALLY. Yes it crashed but I biffed myself round the head telling myself to stay calm this time. I checked each tab one by one, leaving 40D to the end. Then another kerfuffle happened. This internet connection was SOOOOOO slow, like old people shuffling in front of you in the high street. Big Mouth didn't work at first, it 'error occured' me, but then it did! But was slow too, the buffer thing took long then it decided to freeze every 5 seconds, literally. After 7 AND A HALF HOURS of watching Big Mouth it got to half way AND SHUT DOWN. Then it was my turn to freeze in horror. I almost slumped to the floor again when my brain again took over and diverted me to YouTube where I found it! THANK YOU SWEET BABY STEVIE B! But AGAIN it was slow and was freezing all the time. However finally the miracle happened when Davina eventually ran over to the reason I wanted to watch this so much, Paul Simper (@simperman)! FINALLY I SEE HIM MOVE AND TALK! The 10 seconds of chat were worth the stress then I closed it and went to munch on a biscuit. Nom.


So the moral of this story is ALWAYS BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST. It can surprise you at any moment and if it happens to any of you, I feel your pain. Now all I can do is wait for the new Orange Internet box, thing, to arrive. Until then, I'm stuck behind this Granny Internet. *Sigh* I love you all. X


P.S. By the way, @OfficialBB are doing a competition to win housemate's art from last week. You have to draw a housemate and email it to CBB. This is mine of Sov. Likey?

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