15 Mar 2011

Big Red Nose Show (aka TWAZOO NIGHT)

A blog the day after tomorrow is better than tomorrow.

I wasn't going to go to the Big Red Nose Show at first. Mainly because it was on a Monday, my mum wouldn't pay for it on her card and no one would come with me. Can you imagine the conversation?
Me: Hey, do you want to come to the Royal Albert Hall next Monday with me to play a kazoo with loads of twitter people who you don't know?
Victim: .......
But because my best friend is my best friend she said yes and booked us tickets. She loves me.

But she wasn't as excited as me in the slightest. I was excited because twitter was there and I knew it was going to be another OMGLOOKITS*enter twitter name here*INREALLIFEIKNOWTHEM! moment. (and because it was a Guinness World Record attempt for charity, obv. But still, TWITTER) So I made us leave really early so we'd get there really early and be right at the front. We had standing arena tickets and I was not going to have anything less than front row middle otherwise I would STROP. People would get hurt. We did end up outside the Royal Albert Hall stupidly early, so early that no one else was there apart from a posh old lady who looked like this..

We were second in the queue and quite happily talking in newly formed posh accents to posh lady. But in denim shorts, tights and a "LOUISE YOU'RE SHOWING HALF YOUR BOOBS OFF. PUT A SCARF ON." top I don't think we hid our Essexness that well. At 6:15ish we were let into the bar, and after sitting eating Alpen bars for a bit we realised people had actually started queuing AT THE ARENA DOOR. I wasn't having that. So after my headband broke (which Clare found HILARIOUS but it was actually a CATASTROPHE) we casually did this...

It worked. Viking couple didn't say anything and as soon as the doors opened I stared at the spot I wanted and sprinted there as soon as my ticket was checked. BAM. Front row middle. And no one was hurt in the process, apart from my headband. We had our kazoos by this point and gradually the RAH was filled with wasps, or so it sounded. Or vuvuzelas at the World Cup but with your TV volume turned down a bit. This is when we started to really get excited. The stage was literally THERE right in front of us and chairs were everywhere on the stage. "THE TWITTER CELEBS ARE GONNA BE RIGHT THERE. MIRANDA. RIGHT THERE." Then the BBC Concert Orchestra came in and filled the seats. "Ummm." Then we noticed the rows of empty seats..

I won't lie. My heart sank a little bit. So many were going to be there! In front of me! Caitlin Moran (only my idol, no biggie), Emma Kennedy, Boyd Hilton, Grace Dent, Emma Freud, Charlie Condou, Tracy Ann-ObermanKrishnan Guru-Murthy, Dawn Porter, Sue PerkinsMIRANDA HART! Now there were literally 'up there' away from my stalkerness.

We tried to take a good photo of us but they all ended up red or shaky, so we gave up and mucked about..

The concert began with Basil Brush (yes really) and Katie Derham introducing and the orchestra doing their thing, which is really something up close. Sue Perkins even came on and conducted. MARVO.

But twitter wasn't here yet and I started to get figety. I really did miss the point of the night didn't I? But soon enough the announcement came that the celebs were joining us for the kazoo attempt. They filled the rows and I spotted everyone I loved, so naturally whipped out my phone and tweeted them all saying "I SEE YOU" which is not stalkerish at all and "I'M DOWN THE FRONT IN A BLACK CARDIGAN AND GREY SCARF!" I have no shame. Boyd replied "Woohoo!" and Krishnan replied "I see you" which was good enough for me. Even if I couldn't meet everyone my presence was known. Hell yeah.
Kazoo attempt 1 was hilarious, Sue Perkins was down with us conducting, then we went to a break and celebs disappeared. But Basil said we were going to do another attempt, meaning they were coming back. Hope was not lost. Sure enough they filed back in after the break and Marcus Brigstocke came on for a comedy bit.

This is where it all gets AMAZE.

He said that he was bringing down 3 friends to help him, and those 3 friends were Miranda Hart, Emma Kennedy and Mel Giedroyc. Now imagine my reaction. I think I stopped breathing and everything went a bit slow mo. (No I am NOT exaggerating and yes it WAS that big a deal to me) Miranda was bloody coming down the stairs onto the stage. Right in front of us. RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. The temptation to shout SUCH FUN! was overwhelming. You know when you want to look at someone but don't in case they see you're staring? That happened with Emma. I've followed her since I started twitter 2 years ago today and we've spoken a bit. She even follows ME which technically means we're friends right? I thought so. But now she was there AND THIS REALLY WHERE IS AMAZE GETS. (that is seriously what I just typed in my excitement. unscramble it for yourself)

I have no idea if she saw my tweet about where I was standing and wearing...but she saw me...and she recognised me...and she stopped and pointed and went "LOUISE JONES!" before being ushered by Marcus to the microphone. OH BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE. She still came over despite Marcus pulling her away begging for her to carry on with his bit (okay so I exaggerated that bit but I like to think that happened) and reached for my hand. Because of the shitting gap between the stage and barrier we only just managed to touch fingers. But I don't care. The fact she stopped what she was doing on stage to come and say hello was enough for me. Maybe I said hello back? I remember my cheeks hurting from smiling so much and frantically waving but whether I said anything is debatable. Anyway, that made my night and I could have died happy there and then. Maybe next time we'll have a proper conversation and won't have to pull our arms out of our sockets for contact.

The 3 did that thing where you tell a story but say one word at a time, and this particular story was about teaching a dog to play clarinet. It was hilarious. Then after more frantic waving they went back up before the second kazoo attempt and the stunning Nicola Icantrememberherlastname played a violin solo and Sue Perkins conducted the orchestra again BRILLIANTLY..
As it got near to 10:30pm I started to get panicky because it was a fair walk back to the station to catch 2 tubes and train home, and with my record I don't risk anything, but thankfully the Guiness World Record man came on to announce we had indeed broken the world record. HOORAY.
and Julian Lloyd Webber did a bit on his big instrument (cello? *shrug* whatever it was he wacked my brother with it at Gatwick airport last year. tsk.) And then we went home. Tired. Giddy. Incredibly smiley.

But in all seriousness, the night was brilliant. Celebrity twitter mania aside, it was amazing to see how many people turned up to support Comic Relief. My ticket was £5 which pays for mosquito nets for 12 children, so in my eyes I've saved 12 children's lives. Comic Relief is doing incredible things this year to raise money and most of it is all down to twitter. Twitrelief has been set up where you bid for a celebrity to follow you and for their extra prize, and I know there's been some controversial comments about it but in the end it's raising SO much money! What does it matter?! I'm just glad I've been a part of it and contributed some of my money and time to save lives, and I'm SO up for it again next year. Twazoo part 2. X


  1. If I should ever have the amazing pleasure of meeting you, I'm going to greet you in the same was as Emma. 'LOUISE JONES'.

    I also know completely how you probably felt. Best feeling ever but totally scary at the time!

    Great post!

  2. You should have been sitting up with the Twitterati. I would have happily joined you my fellow Essex tweetheart.

    Ace writing skills sister. X

  3. I wondered who it was she stopped to say hello to (well obviously this is how I found your blog!) Were were to the left of you at the front-ish (about 4 people back).

    Was a good night and I'm glad to know I wasn't the only one who was like, "OHMYGODCELEBRITIES!" Because my fiancé was just like, err, whatever! But we left just after Nicola Bernedetti did her second solo as our tootsies were tired and we had to get back to relieve babysitter!

    Glad you had a good one!

  4. I loved reading that, your writing is positively effervescent; you have a talent for it. Well done for backing the event so completely.

  5. Hi Louise! You don't know me but I was at the same concert, sitting waaaaaaay back! Love your very funny blog entry (You have a great future as a writer if you choose to take that path) and your excellent photos! Well done and glad you got to be right up front!

  6. Was watching TV... guiness records australia and was trying to find the of the show. remembered a record of 500+ jokes in an hour, and used it for the search phrase... landed on this page... read here and there... thought I'd leave a comment...
    When looking at "Icantrememberherlastname", thought it was the second name for a guy called Nichola and didn't care to read. however, took a second look and found its a #. :)

    No point in my comment.. just wanted to let you know that someone somewhere read your experience of a part of your life..

    Blessed eve...Bye...

    1. **to find the female host of the show