15 Apr 2012

Productivity Rookie

Hey hey guys guys guys guys guess what day it is guess guess.



This day pains me so because it's the one day where I'm identical to every other teenager in the UK. And that shit burns my SOUL. Therefore, I always like to make my TSWIRIDFAAE a bit edgy. Starting with spending at LEAST half an hour entwined with my duvet and trying to make my leg look like a chicken in the mirror.

I think you'll find I was rather successful with that challenge. If you look closely, there's a beak on my heel. Reeeaaalll close. Just...there. Got it? Not to mention my toes like the top of its...wait is that a chicken or...oh maybe...well it's poultry alright. I'm a woman of many talents just accept it GOD WHY ARE YOU SO CONDESCENDING jeez.

I will do actual real life work later.

I will. And it's not like I haven't done ANY productive tasks over the last 2 weeks, I mean I did an essaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha...oh wait no I did wow. I wrote an essay the other day. 3 whole pages of phenomenally articulate constructions of the English language, bar the last few paragraphs where I essentially did a few scribbles in the hope my teacher deciphers the works of the Gods within them.

Then I read a book about incest which included a BATSHIT MENTAL sex scene involving the phrases: "I feel him twitch inside me." TWITCH. And "I feel it prod my thigh." PROD. HAHA. Yeah, batshit mental. I couldn't take it seriously. Sorry Tabitha Sazuma.

Then Karen Gillan got twitter and I spammed her with love, I couldn't stop myself. I was like a rabid fangirl with no boundaries. Oh no wait I AM one of those. Yeah I should probably fix that. Especially the rabies bit. Just inconvenient. This was me for the first 3 hours of her getting an account, just refreshing manically until she tweeted that she's joined just for me sssshhhhhhhh yes she did tweet that just ssshhhhh now just nod.

Aw, look at me in my work uniform. Such a dedicated employee. I've been at work so much this week that I've become a supermarket nazi. I have no interest in customers who come to my basket till with a trolley. BE GONE. AWAY WITH YOU AND YOUR "BUT IT'S JUST A BASKET ON WHEELS!" CRAP. I also cannot fathom anymore polite amusement at the "IN MONEY IF YOU'VE GOT IT HAHAHAHA" reponse to my "How would you like your cashback?" questionIn all seriousness, I love work and those responses are good compared to the "I'll push it all the way in for you babe ;)" after my "Could you push your card in a bit further please.." yesterday. I suggested he takes his knobness to Lidl.

Feminism's been high on my agenda recently as I'm in the process of planning a UK Rookie site. It's gonna be so bloody brilliant with hilarious young writers. I'm excited. It won't be around for a good few months though because I should probably try and get into university first. But yeah, that's an exciting thing happening. See THIS IS WHY I GET NOTHING DONE. Too many ideas, too little action and TIME. Being aware of Jennifer Lawrence's existence hasn't helped. I've spent about a third of my time watching interviews with her and shouting "OH GOD LET ME LOVE YOU." at my laptop: 

Shouting "OH GOD LET ME LOVE YOU." is becoming a too regular occurrence, but when you've got friends doing stuff like THIS, it's kind of necessary.

So really, can people stop writing mentally addictive books, making legs have the potential to look like a chicken, and being so amazing and nice so I can GET SHIT DONE PLEASE. Thanks. Honestly, you're all so inconsiderate sometimes...


  1. So much energy in this entry, refreshing after a long day at work. Huzzah for being mutually unproductive throughout Easter.

  2. HAHA. Amazingly funny. Now, do some bloody work.

    Laura x