20 Jun 2012

This is called a blog post and they appear on blogs and stuff.

*door flies open. stands there in worn and torn prom dress, hair tousled in which a bird is nesting, one broken heel clasped in one hand, multiple biros in the other mangled dented rubbed red raw hand. stares deadpan at laptop. struggles forward, dragging revision notes stuck to feet. collapses onto desk chair. opens mouth as an attempt of communication. the little brain men are sat, leaned against teeth begging "PLEASE. NO. NO MORE. PLEASE JUST. NO. HAVE MERCY." the marks under eyes could either be bags or stale mascara. it is defined as indistinguishable. whole being is defined as indistinguishable.*


I think that's it. I think I'm done. I think I...can't think anymore. 

My revision posters are all in the recycling, *turns, does massive miranda style wink to camera and recycling logo tinkles on tooth*, my school and exam timetables are all ripped to shreds, and my school work is all BURNING IN THE FIERY PITS OF HELL AHAHAHAHAHA.

I mean, oh wow yeah sad. Left forever now. Really sad. Aw...sad. 

Freedom feels like walking around your house naked. I feel a change, like a fire deep inside. And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird. LIKE ELECTRICwait no what?

I have three free months ahead of me. Three months of NOTHING, where the whole time is mine to do whatever I wish with it. I am going to be productive, and utilise the time to SEE THE WORLD, and learn NEW SKILLS, and make NEW FRIENDS and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no of course I'm bloody not, you blundering fool. I spent the whole day in my pyjamas yesterday and the most strenuous task I carried out was opening a pack of jelly tots. That shit is hard. Those arrows help fuck all. "LOLZ U WANNA GET IN? NOPE. HOW ABOUT THIS WAY? NOPE. LOLOLOLOL." Totters. (as in 'tossers', do you see? Do you see? lol)

Even though I've come out of education, I still refuse to grow up. Which, ironically, is how it should be done, apparently. The only person to object to this paradigm was a tiny human who, as I scanned her mother's shopping, pointed at me and said her first word: mum. I was not aware that I had squeezed a tiny human out of my vagina but IF MOTHERHOOD IS MY CALLING THEN SO BE IT, TINY HUMAN. COME HITHER, AND LET ME MOTHER YOU LIKE A MOTHERLY MOTHER AND RAISE YOU AS ONE OF MY KIND. I didn't do that. I smiled apologetically to the distraught actual mother and gave her a free Bag For Life. 

Alas, though motherhood is not what I will be doing during this free time, eating like a pregnant woman is already underway. I've eaten chocolate for breakfast for the past two days, crying, "BUT IT'S FAIRTRADE, SO IT'S OKAY." and my tears spelling I T ' S N E V E R O K A Y L O U I S E. Not really the best idea when I'm meant to be getting fit and healthy for the Torch Relay in two weeks. Dad came in yesterday going, "When people ask me why YOU are carrying the torch, what do I say?" Yes, well, quite. 'SHARE YOUR STORY!!1!!!2!!!1' Coca Cola shout at me, and I blink, and think...well I found out how to curl my hair properly and it was pretty life changing tbh, I can share that? WHAT DO THEY EXPECT FROM ME?! 

"I, er, have a blog." 

"Ooooh GREAT, on what topic?" 

"Well, erm, me. Mostly. All the time. Yeah it's all about me." 

"...about you? Are you special? Have you overcome a challenge, or are you part of a cult, or are you travelling the world or?"

"...I'm travelling my mind and overcoming challenges within it. *helpful smile* 

I'M WRITING A BOOK. THAT'S A THING. She says, still in the continuous present tense. No but seriously it's a thing and I love it and I will get it done this summer. *stares at tree outside for hours. daydreams. dribbles.*

*fucking asterisks* 


*sorry louise, i'll keep that in mind*

*that's alright louise, it's a learning curve for us all*

*it's just so hard, y'know?*

*i understand. i'm sorry for shouting. go and have an apple and watch the tele*

 Turns out I got over my phone phobia at 4am after prom.


  1. So, after spending sometime today wondering who the hell you were on twitter, I was led to your blog posts. Completely glad that I chose to click and read them. You have a way with words and I very much enjoy all of your posts. You are a very good writer. :) And so, you have a new follower in me.
    Also, you seem like a really interesting person and you seem really awesome! I was led here because I saw the posts that Carrie Hope Fletcher posted about you carrying the torch. Which is really cool. (Posts on twiiter I mean) I just went on a tangent for no reason..haha. sorry about spamming your post with such a long irrelevant comment! :)

    1. Thank you! That's really lovely, and not an irrelevant comment at all. I'm glad Carrie directed you here. She's one of the best people I know! xx